The voice in my head told me to....write.

These are the facts.

1. I want to write.

2. I need to write.

3. I hate most of what I write.



How can I ever get going and stop whining? Argh. I found this poem by Sylvia Plath in a book of her letters, that her mother had published. Funny thing is my Mother bought the book for me :) . Anywho here is the poem---
You ask me why I spend my life writing?
Do I find entertainment?
Is it worthwhile?
Above all, does it pay?
If not, then, is there a reason?...
I write only because
There is a voice within me
That will not be still.


That is exactly how I feel, that there is a voice inside me demanding I write. But of what use are my words? There are millions of writers out in the world, do I even stand a chance? My lovely Mother says that if you love something just do it, don't try and make a profit off of it. Maybe that's my problem, I'm very good at over-complicating things. For example next time you see me, ask me what my favorite color is. :)



Sometimes when I see numbers I add them all together and then divide them by however many numbers there were. I love discovering the outcome and for a few seconds I don't feel so empty headed when it comes to math. When I was younger I used to enjoy math especially dividing and multiplying, it felt sort of like magic to me. But then as I got older and math got harder I lost interest and was convinced I couldn't do it. Where is my motivation??? I could have kept at it with a little hard work and sticktoittiveness. How did I get talking about math?! Motivation that's what I need, caffeine gives it to me sometimes mostly when I drink too much.



I've given myself a challenge that I have to admit was not my idea. Kate Bingaman-Burt wrote and illustrated the book Obsessive Consumption. The author illustrated her purchases for three years annotating on each one. I thought this was an interesting idea and that I should try it for a year. Because I don't buy something everyday and I'm constantly wondering where my money is going. I believe I started April 2nd, I'll see if I can post some of my drawings. It figures that right after I start this challenge, my family and I go garage saleing and all of our purchases get mixed together >:( . I'll try and sort it all out, and maybe I'll have gained some motivation and discipline by the time this year is over!

William Stafford

I have posted the poem A Story That Could Be True by William Stafford before, so I won't post it again. But I have to talk about it. I love finding music, art or literature through movies. It makes me feel like I didn't just waste two and some odd hours sitting in front of a screen. Mr. Stafford's poem found me this way, on a t.v. show, I don't watch anymore. A character in the show quoted the last couple of lines from the poem and I was smitten. Of course I googled it and loved the rest of the poem as well. After I copied it in my "everything" notebook I realised I needed to read more of William Staffords poetry. A person blessed with a comfortable wallet would probably have just ordered a book of his poetry online. Alas, my wallet is usually lonely and empty, so it was either wait for my birthday to come along or go to the library. I'm not so good at waiting so the library was my destination. I could've gone to our local library, but it is a smaller library and usually disappoints me. Warsaw's library is where I was disappointed this time. They have such a huge collection of poetry I thought I'd find what I desired. Nope, they had a book about him sort of biography-ish with a couple poems. What a bummer, it looked as though l'd have to wait for my birthday after all.
Aha! Not so this time!!! I recently got a part-time job at our local library. Thus proving that I do in fact love books. Being a partner of a used bookstore and now a librarian!!! I'm still so excited with my new job. I am surprised with how busy we get sometimes, and then there are times when I have absolutely nothing to do. Of course the other librarian working with me has stuff to do but can't think of anything that I could do. This makes me afraid that my fellow librarians will see me doing nothing, complain and then fire me, so I try to stay busy walking around organizing shelves and straightening books. On one such venture I found myself in the poetry section and what do my eyes behold but a 249 paged book of William Stafford's poetry!!!!!!
Ah, the benefits of a paranoid librarian. :)

With a Beginning

Whats a girl to do,
When she smells like glue?
And all her friends,
Have run away.

There is nothing to do,
And absolutely nothing to say.
Nothing is everything,
And everything is to pray.

Pray for the beginning,
Pray for the end.
Pray that God will someday,
Send you a friend.


Sometimes when I'm talking to a person and they comment on my hair or something I'm wearing it makes me pause. Are you complimenting me because you can't think of what to say? Say anything to fill that awkward silence that is our conversation? Or maybe you are sincere. What if everyone who gave a compliment actually meant the opposite of what they said? "Wow, I love your new hair cut, it's so cute!" -Translates to- " Wow, what an awful hair cut, are you a lesbian now?" Maybe I think about this too much or maybe I just hate compliments. Besides thank you, what do I say? How do I respond? "You like my sneakers! That's awesome! I love that you like my sneakers, I am complete now!" (Note to self- No more exclamation marks)
I am listening to my sisters Eclipse soundtrack. It's a good CD, I love track 4 and 5. Florence and the Machine is my drug of choice currently. When I listen to her sing she makes me want to dance around like a "willow", as they did in the classic film The Trouble With Angels. Right now I am reading Book of a Thousand Days by Shannon Hale. It's wonderful! It has sucked me in and I only stopped reading because my eyes got fuzzy. It is my goal to read all of her books, except The Actor and the Housewife. A friend of mine, with lovely taste in books, said it was disappointing and unlike her other books. We have it on the shelf at the shop but, strange as it may seem, not many people look at the Fiction section. But I love buying them for the shop because often times they have interesting covers.

----Over and Out----

First and Foremost

My first blog, welcome me to this new age contraption.
I hate when you're getting started on something online and they ask those same awful questions. Favorite Books-Favorite Music-Favorite Movies, and any of the like. Am I the only one who thinks this is frustrating? Yes I do have favorites of these but I hate picking them. What if the others find out I didn't list them as my favorites? Will Little Mermaid and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants attack me in my sleep? With music its even harder for me to choose. My music tastes involve mood swings and cravings, sort of like a pregnant woman I suppose, not that I would know. And I suppose there is always that pathetic fear that someone will read your profile and curse you for listening to, heaven forbid, Ashlee Simpson or something. Poor girl, I'm not the only one who has used her in this sort of sentence.
Will you only read my blog or acknowledge my existence if I have wicked taste in entertainment? Blah, enough ranting. So I now have a blog, thanks to my brother. Couldn't have done it without him! I am going to use this to motivate myself to write more and get my finished stuff online. Any and all are welcome to read what I have to say, sorry if its not to your liking.