I Could Make You
What if I could make you doubt
Every thought you've ever had?
What if I could make you doubt
Every word you've ever said?
I could make you stutter,
And speak maybe's not sure's and I thinks.
I could make you hold your breath,
And count every time your eye blinks.
Your every step would falter
At the terror of going outside.
Your face would twitch at a question
Wishing it could just hide.
"What reason could there be?"
You ask me now with doubt.
Beacause I'm tired of uncertainty,
And whispering when I'd rather shout.
Spithead likes to walk our pet crocidile with me. It gives us time to talk and enjoy nature. He usually asks me, "How's your writing going?", and I usually say, "It's not.". I hate answering like that because he's so supportive. I wish I were different. I think about writing a lot, but I don't have the hootspa to actually write it down. What I have written usually disapoints or disgusts me. Spithead would tell you otherwise, but he's my brother. Thats not to say he's dishonest with me. No, he's a great critic.
My biggest problem is that I can't keep anything going. I've got a ton of beginning, middles and ends but none of them fit together. Or continue on by themselves. I sometimes think the reason I have a hard time writing is my lack of "college education". But haven't there been loads of authors that were genius' without extra schooling? My trouble is with my lack of confidence and motivation. Where does one purchase these? I've prayed many times to be blessed with them, but Lord you obviously said no or not yet. Moving right along.........
Currently reading an early reviewer for LibraryThing called Dracula's Guest. Very interesting, its short stories of the very first, or beginnnings of, vampire stories. Before Bram Stoker and Stephenie Meyer. Also reading Stardust by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess. Beautiful book with lovely pictures and an original story. Spithead got it for me from the library. Also reading poetry bur Rainer Maria Rilke and William Stafford. I was introduced to Rilke by Maggie Stiefvater's book Shiver. I have a nice sized poetry collection in my personal library. So I was very frustrated when I couldn't find any poems of the two previously mentioned poets in my possesion. And our printer is out of ink, so I had to wait till we went to the Warsaw library.
Didn't have much luck with Mr. William Stafford but did find some books of Rilke's poetry. One of the books is bilingual, so on one side you have the original German and on the other side english. That'd be an interesting way to teach myself German.
I shall leave you now with a poem each by the two poets I've been speaking of.
A Story That Could Be True
By William Stafford
If you were exchanged in the cradle and
your real mother died
without ever telling the story
then no one knows your name,
and somewhere in the world
your father is lost and needs you
but you are far away.
He can never find
how true you are, how ready.
When the great wind comes
and the robberies of the rain
you stand in the corner shivering.
The people who go by—
you wonder at their calm.
They miss the whisper that runs
any day in your mind,
"Who are you really, wanderer?"—
and the answer you have to give
no matter how dark and cold
the world around you is:
"Maybe I'm a king."
Love Song
By Rainer Maria Rilke
How should I keep my soul
from touching yours? How should I
lift it beyond you toward other things?
Ah, I would gladly shelter it
in darkness with some lost thing,
on some remote unsounding place
that doesn't tremble, when your depths stir.
Yet everything that touches you or me
takes us together like a bow's stroke
that from two strings draws one voice.
Across what instrument are we stretched?
And what player holds us in his hand?
O sweet song.
